By Lauren R. Camhe
…Because your ass is out of this world. I was on an epic voyage to the Museum of Natural History in seventh grade when my childhood crush, Max, sprung this on me. His suave, sleek approach in trying to court me melted the four-inch platforms right off my Steve Madden sneakers, and ever since, I’ve attempted to compile a small collection of pick-up lines that will probably more than likely get my attention, and if you’re lucky, perhaps a sturdy high-five.
Here are a few approaches… (side note: I’ve only tried two of these, and my success rate is at 100%)
The classic cheese:
“That shirt is very becoming on you…well, then again, if I were on you, I’m sure I’d be coming too.”
The intellectual, slightly dirty approach:
“There are 265 bones in the human body…how would you like one more?”
Straight to the point:
“Fuck me if I’m wrong, but don’t you want to kiss me?”
The high rolling approach:
“Were you arrested earlier? Because it’s gotta be illegal to look that good.”
Flattery will get you everywhere…maybe:
“I don’t want you to think I’m ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.”
The “What the Fuck?!?” approach:
“Would you like Gin-and-platonic or do you prefer Scotch-and-sofa?”
While these words of wisdom may not get you laid, after all is said and done, at least you’ll be able to tell a good, drunk story.
to each their own 
is that a keg in your pants? cause id love to TAP DAT A$$
totally was going to throw the keg line out there. it’s a personal fave,