I Love My Parents, now.

By: Kris-Ann Panzella

Today I am going to journey home to the motherland for the first time since January 4th. I’m pretty psyched, I mean who doesn’t get psyched about New Jersey? It has so much to offer, like jug handles…and pork roll…and tax free clothing.

But all sarcasm aside, I’m jumping out of my skin with excitement, and I’ve been having trouble figuring out why. So I started to think, and it finally came to me: I’m really pyched to go home to chill with my Mom and Dad.

Crazy right? I wasn’t always this obsessed with my parents; my appreciation has truly come after some time. In high school I had no idea how cool my parents were, and i had very few awesome qualities to associate with them. But now, after time spent away, and growing up in my own right, I think my parents grew up a little too. They started enjoying themselves a little more now that they didn’t have to worry about my irresponsibility. I have to come to realize that while I am off at school having a blast, they are too, and therefore we are all cooler people.

Families are funny like that. Sometimes we need time apart from each other to really begin get to the point where you can get excited to spend time with each other.  It also has something to do with maturity.  There comes a time in every child’s life that you realize your parents were at one time exactly like you.  For instance, I may not be setting up afternoon tea in the single elevator of my dorm building to laugh at the pissed off and squished residents trying to get to their floor, and I may not have stowed away on a vacation cruise ship with my friends who threatened to rat me out if I didn’t get up to get them cocktails when they needed….but Mom and Dad I appreciate your old and new antics, and thanks for inspiring my own.  We may have different views on things like music, and clothing, and legalization, and Rush Limbfuck, but I still like you guys.

Viva la New Jersey.

Happy Birthday Bobarino.

an evening with Spike Lee

By Steve Pessah

Spike Lee came to UD to speak… I’m not exactly sure for what purpose, but my film class and another class were invited for a little Q and A session beforehand. so, in a midsized rectangular room in the center for black culture, Spike came in and entertained 22 students’ (2 were actually teachers) questions for over an hour.

his attitude kind of turned me off. he laxidasically answered everyones questions, sometimes giving a one-word/five-word sentence response, while other times his response was less stimulating than listening to Morse code. but that’s beside the point.

time was running out. i wanted to ask him some kind of question before he left. someone asked him about the Knicks already, but I felt he would still rather talk about them than about why he writes movies or what his inspiration is. those are questions he probably gets at every interview like this.

it came to me for the last question: “How long have you had your Knicks’ season tickets for, and how did you choose them?”

Spike: “I’ve had them since the day they got Patrick Ewing. Do you remember what happened that draft?” (He asked this back to me.)

Me: “Yeah.”

Spike: “What happened?”

(Holy shit, what the fuck happened?)

Me: “Oh man, you’re putting me on the spot…”

Spike: “Anyway…”

he then proceeded to tell the story. no where in his response did he address the second part of my question. my first, and most likely last interaction with Spike Lee, will be getting cut off because I had temporary memory loss.

the moral of the story: don’t fuck around with someone and tell them you have knowledge about something they love. they will ask you about, you will forget like i did, and then feel like an uber-noob.

The End.

fmylife.com

By Steve Pessah

Work

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don’t have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

Love

Today, the girl I love and I went to visit my parents out of state for the first time. My father grinned and acknowledged that she was a “keeper”, at which she laughed and said we were “just friends”. I was going to propose to her next week. FML

Sex

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Health (sort of)

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class i did the same thing to him, he broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team, nobody laughed. FML

Kids

Today, I got fired from a great baby sitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

Money

Today, my fiance “thought I should know” that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

Miscellaneous

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

These are anecdotes from fmylife.com, a site where people can share their daily life stories, and understand that yes, everyone elses lives are f***ed too. Go on, laugh your ass off.